Scripture

Psalm 91:14-15 NRSV

Those who love me, I will deliver; I will protect those who know my name. When they call to me, I will answer them; I will be with them in trouble, I will rescue them and honor them.

Consider

What can it possibly mean to a sovereign and all-powerful God that we know his Name and call upon it? The psalmist suggests an intimate relationship that pleases God, a reciprocal friendship that enjoys mutual love, honor, and trust. God invites us to call on Him with the familiarity of a favored child and promises to love and respect us in return. Our heavenly Father desires our worship and praise but also hungers for our affection, our loyalty, and our company.

Because we are created in God’s image, it shouldn’t surprise us that we hunger for the same things in our human relationships that God hungers for with us. Like our Father, we long to be known and to be loved. We want others to understand us, to recognize and honor our unique identity, to know us by name.

This need to be recognized and appreciated explains why a simple misunderstanding can so easily escalate into angry conflict and bitter feelings. The original point of a disagreement will disappear beneath a surge of emotion when we believe the other person has dismissed us without hearing us or understanding our viewpoint: “Have you heard anything I’ve said?” “Do you have any idea how your words hurt and embarrassed me?” “Does my opinion mean nothing to you?”

At such an impasse, we don’t want rational debate on the original point of disagreement, to decide who is right and who is wrong. Our conflict has moved us beyond such an impersonal solution. Instead, we need reassurance that the other person hears and respects us. We need to know that he or she takes our opinions seriously and at some level appreciates who we are and where we’re coming from, even if we still disagree.

In the moment when you recognize that a simple disagreement has burgeoned into an emotional conflict, take a breath and mentally step back. Lay aside your desire to prove your point and win the argument. Instead, focus all your attention on listening and reflecting back what the other person is saying until he or she feels heard and understood and you feel the tension begin to ease. Showing your acceptance and respect, regardless of whether the other person comes around to your point of view, opens the door to better communication as well as to apologies, forgiveness, and the healing that follows.

Pray

Loving Father, help me to see beyond my pride so I can value other people more than I value winning an argument. Give me ears to hear them and eyes to see them just as they are, not how I want them to be. Thank you that you never cease calling me by my name into loving, intimate relationship with you.

Reflect

Philippians 2:3-4; 1 Peter 2:17

Ponder

What does it mean to respectfully disagree with someone?