Scripture

2 Timothy 1:7 ESV

For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.

Consider

When someone harms us with a thoughtless, selfish, or malicious act, we may instinctively respond by erecting an emotional barrier. This barrier gives us time to sort out what has happened, to decide what it means to us, and to determine whether we will simply let the offense go and take the barrier down or keep the barrier in place.

Especially in cases where our trust has been betrayed, this barrier can harden into a stubborn wall of unforgiveness. We may shore up this wall with energy from emotions we can readily identify, such as anger, humiliation, disappointment, or hurt. Lurking among these grudge-feeders, however, is one emotion we may not easily recognize: fear.

God calls us to forgive one another. If you simply cannot forgive your offender, consider whether the key to obedience might lie, not in abandoning your anger or hurt, but in discovering the fear that feeds your unforgiving stance.

Listed below are some common fears that keep us from forgiving one another. Check to see if any might complete this statement for you: If I were to forgive my offender, I fear…

• being hurt again.
• my offer of forgiveness would be rejected.
• my offender would go unpunished.
• I could not sustain a forgiving attitude.
• being ridiculed or dismissed as weak.
• the feelings that hide beneath my anger, such as grief, love, or hope.
• a truth about myself I’ve managed to avoid.
• acknowledging my contribution to the conflict.
• giving the impression that the offense didn’t hurt me.
• the task of building a different relationship with this person.
• renewing a relationship that will lead me into sin.
• losing control over myself or the situation.
• I could not maintain healthy boundaries with this person.

Here’s the good news: The Spirit helps us to obey God when fear would keep us locked in disobedient misery. When God asks us to forgive, God doesn’t leave us on our own to meet the challenge. According to Paul’s message to Timothy, the Spirit gives us three graces—power, love, and self-control—that help us to fulfill God’s plan for us when fear would hold us back.

Pray

Gracious Father, forgiving is a scary business because it’s as much about me as about the person who hurt me. Thank you for offering me the grace I need to overcome my fears and do what you call me to do. Especially in my difficult relationships, expose my fears so that by your mercy and grace, I can get past them and begin to love and forgive as you would have me do.

Reflect

Joshua 1:1-9; Psalm 56:3-4; Colossians 3:12-13

Ponder

What other graces from the Spirit can help me forgive?