Scripture

Psalm 12:1-4 NLT

Help, O LORD, for the godly are fast disappearing! The faithful have vanished from the earth! Neighbors lie to each other, speaking with flattering lips and deceitful hearts. May the LORD cut off their flattering lips and silence their boastful tongues. They say, “We will lie to our hearts’ content. Our lips are our own—who can stop us?”

Consider

Everyone enjoys ego strokes. We like to be complimented on our appearance or told we are doing a fine job. We feel good about ourselves when others reflect us positively, and we enjoy helping others feel good about themselves as well. Why, then, must we be wary of flattering lips?

The psalmist puts it bluntly: flattery is a lie. Unlike a sincere compliment, flattery is praise that is lavish, insincere, and manipulative as it seeks some kind of benefit for the flatterer. Flattery is effective because it appeals to our vanity and soothes our anxiety over not being good enough or smart enough or attractive enough. Flattery lays traps for us where we are most vulnerable. We long to believe this puffed-up version of ourselves so we can deny our flaws and weaknesses, so we can feel loved and accepted, admired and even envied.

Flattery is harmful to relationships because if we buy into the lie, then we must act in ways that support a false self-image. We make selfish choices and resist others who do not reflect our inflated sense of self, leading to conflict and hurt. Moreover, flattery is spiritually harmful because its underlying message is always the same: You don’t need God. You are wonderful all on your own. You deserve special attention and admiration because you are so gifted, intelligent, attractive, conscientious, hard-working, self-sacrificing, good-natured, and so on. When we capitulate to flattery, we start believing that we are the source of our own successes. We take credit for the gifts, talents, and good fortune God has sent our way.

Our best defense against flattery is humility—a realistic perception of our worth before God. It has been said that the gospel message is not good news to someone who doesn’t know the bad news. We cannot appreciate the love and sacrifice that put Jesus on the cross until we see ourselves as we truly are, sinners unworthy to stand in God’s holy presence except under the cover of his mercy. Flattery hurts us by denying us the joy of realizing that, although we are flawed and weak and often selfish, our Father loves us extravagantly and provides every good gift we need to live successful, loving, and merciful lives, without the need to inflate ourselves or surrender to flattering manipulations.

Pray

God of Truth, I admit I am susceptible to flattering lips. Help me to recognize when someone is lavishing praise on me with an ulterior motive and to resist falling into the trap of believing the lie. I ask for humility because only through humble eyes can I see the glorious truth that you love and cherish me in spite of my failures and blemishes. Keep me also from manipulating others with insincere compliments in an effort to further my own interests, security, or need to be loved.

Reflect

John 5:41-44; Romans 16:18

Ponder

How do I feel when others flatter me?