Scripture

Hosea 6:1-3 ESV

Come, let us return to the LORD; for he has torn us, that he may heal us; he has struck us down, and he will bind us up. After two days he will revive us; on the third day he will raise us up, that we may live before him.

Consider

The Lord’s word through his prophet Hosea was a promise of forgiveness and restoration to his rebellious people Israel. Their sin caused them to suffer, but after two days God would revive them as if from death to a new life lived in his presence.

As Christians we recognize this “third day resurrection” as a foreshadowing of Christ’s triumph over death on the cross. In fact, a common theme in God’s kingdom is what Augustine called a paschal mystery, that is, the necessary dying that gives birth to something greater and nearer to God. What we often overlook, however, is that crucial in-between time, the waiting period between death of the old and birth of the new—the winter months after a bountiful harvest, the grieving time before life without our loved one can move on, the time it takes after job loss or divorce to reevaluate one’s true identity and decide how to face the future with hope and a new vision.

To reengage with someone after a personal conflict may also require this in-between time to discover what wasn’t working and decide on a different path forward—perhaps deciding to avoid a tender or embarrassing issue in the future, or to acknowledge one’s own wrongdoing and abandon a hurtful behavior. Instead of jumping into premature forgiveness or condemnation, we are wise to give ourselves time to reflect and let the Spirit counsel us. In this time of reflection we might ask: Is there something in me—a selfish attitude, unrealistic expectations, a judging heart, a need to control—that must die so that the relationship can change and grow? Is there something from my past—a memory, a dark secret, unresolved guilt, shame or sin that still weighs on me—that must be laid to rest before my present relationship can improve?

This in-between time is the perfect opportunity to open our injured relationship to God. We can give voice to our hurt, anger, and frustration before God as the psalmists did of old, until we can be calm and quiet enough to receive God’s comfort and wise counsel. Instead of focusing on ourselves or what we would like to see “die” in the other person, we can ask what God would have us do and what outcome God might desire for the good of this person or for us. What needs to “die” may be a habit or impurity within ourselves, or maybe just an old way of relating to this person that no longer serves.

The old folk wisdom of counting to ten before reacting to insult is good advice. When we cultivate space between the injury and our reaction, we give ourselves time to notice our deeper needs, reevaluate both sides of the conflict, and invite God into the process.

Pray

God of Compassion, I need your help in navigating difficult relationships. Help me to pause before reacting to insult or injury and invite You into my reflections. Show me what needs to die in myself before I condemn another person.

Reflect

Luke 24:1-12; John 12:24

Ponder

What sorts of insults or offenses might trigger a hasty, negative reaction in me?