Scripture

1 John 1:8-9 ESV

If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

Consider

A good first step toward resolving a quarrel is to examine our own hearts for sin before we start accusing others of theirs. Confessing our own contribution to a conflict is a humbling act that can immediately cool hot tempers and pave the way toward productive communication. Reluctance to admit our sin stems from a stubborn need to be right and morally superior, so that when our conscience pricks us, we can justify ourselves by insisting that our sin is insignificant compared with those of the other person.

If we are willing to look, we will see that a relationship conflict can display our own sins with merciless clarity. In the heat of an argument or in the protracted silence of a hostile standoff, our least attractive qualities can bubble to the surface and spill out of our hearts and mouths like hot lava. Accusations and stinging remarks point away from the darkness within ourselves that we cannot acknowledge. So often the offensive qualities we can’t stand in the other person are the very same qualities we cannot face within ourselves.

Acknowledging our sins in a conflict not only deescalates hostilities but also gives the Holy Spirit opportunity to heal our innermost wounds and cleanse us from further unrighteous and hurtful acts. When pride gives way to humility, we come to see both sides of a conflict more clearly, no longer blinded by our need to be right or to feel superior. Humility helps us to assume an attitude of listening, both to God and to the other person, so that we can be moved to a better way of responding in alignment with God’s desires.

Pray

Lord Jesus, I recognize that I am too quick to judge others, especially when I am hiding from my own sins. Cleanse me from the damaging notion that I am morally superior to anyone. Show me my sins, as painful as that may be, so that I may confess them to you and to others. Then give me grace to hear your words of correction and healing. As I learn to seek your forgiveness, teach me how I can forgive others.

Reflect

James 5:16; Romans 3:23

Ponder

What makes confessing my wrongdoing to another person so difficult?