The Gift in Family Conflict

Scripture

Proverbs 15:28 NLT

The heart of the godly thinks carefully before speaking; the mouth of the wicked overflows with evil words.

Consider

No matter how closely a family is knit together with love and mutual respect, conflict among members is certain to erupt sooner or later. Because we are individuals with our own set of human needs, wants, foibles, and agendas, even those we love best can irritate and agitate us to the point of angry explosions or hurtful silences that nevertheless shout our indignation and displeasure.

Such conflicts expose our spiritual edges if we are willing to look. With God’s help we see the gaps in our faith and the self-preserving nature of our attitudes and actions. We recognize the precise juncture of our fleshly self with the perfect nature of Christ to which we aspire. Such awareness is a gift because it readies us to take our next step into maturity of character and godliness. Although we don’t ask for conflict, God is faithful to use conflict for our good if we will consent to the Spirit’s work in us.

Just as the Spirit works in us as individuals, the Spirit also works in families. Conflict among members exposes the family’s spiritual edges—those places where God wants to correct and heal family patterns of interaction—and the Spirit invites us to join in this holy work already in progress. God will use our obedience in small things to effect positive change in the emotional climate of our homes. Like weathervanes, family members pick up on each other’s emotions and attitudes and reflect them. When we surrender ourselves to the Spirit in those edgy moments of choice between the fleshly and the divine, we begin to see the fruits of God’s goodness reflected in our families. Under the Spirit’s discipline, we can replace our selfish habits with intentional acts of grace, which will in turn bear wholesome fruit even under pressing circumstances.

Pray

Spirit of Grace, open my eyes to see where You are working in my heart and my life to correct and heal. Make me an instrument of peace and goodness in my family. Speak to me in those edgy moments when I would indulge in harsh words or punishing silences and give me the attitude and words I need to soothe and encourage rather than hurt and alienate. Thank you for my family and for my unique privilege of ministering to them in your Name.

Reflect

Proverbs 11:29; 16:24

Ponder

Of the Spirit’s fruits listed in Galatians 5:22-23—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control—which is most needed in my family right now?

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